So today was a good day. I didn’t have too much anxiety or irritability, and where I normally have multiple times throughout the day where I tell my self “Meghan you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, fit enough” I only caught myself in these shame spirals twice.

I find it really tough being in a faculty where we are known for our “tight bods” and the girls are sexualized and objectified. If you don’t have 15% body fat in KNES then you are put in this category of girls who nobody really knows why they are in the program..  at least that is how it feels.

Any time we do body circumference labs I find myself cringing at the thought of other males and females (7/10 times athletes) grabbing me where I don’t even let my boyfriend grab me, and reading off numbers like they somehow define me. I find it harmful and judgemental. And don’t get me wrong I don’t believe I am fat by any means. I am a healthy, completely average, 21 year old woman who is meant to have curves. So why can’t I be comfortable with myself? Why do I IDOLIZE these girls cluttering my instagram like Kayla Itsines and her entire fan-base.

I need to find out how to love myself, and STOP COMPARING MYSELF. I am so guilty of comparing myself to every girl I see, whether it be stranger, enemy, friend. I can’t help it.

Anyway this post was supposed to be about how I had a good day and here I go off on a tangent.. but that’s what this is for right, for me to figure out what triggers me and to put them into words.

I had one midterm today which went pretty well (I think), only one written question I wasn’t confident on but even then it will only be 4 marks off.. not bad. And tomorrow is my second final of the week.. the dreaded geophysics haha. I have no idea how my boyfriend was able to drag me into two geology courses.. (he is a geologist)..

Advertisements