Well I’m here. I’ve been here for about 6 weeks now. The first four weeks was the most intensive and exhausting time I have ever experienced. It was basically our “anatomy month” where we learnt the anatomy in excruciating detail in 4 weeks. Two weeks for lower extremity including blood supply and nerve supply, and two weeks for upper extremity. Lets just say that I was starting to regret my choice of coming here.
But the normal semester has started and things seem to have slowed down for the time being.
I’ve been doing okay. I’ve been trying so hard to put myself out there and get to know people and turn up to all the events that are being held, which Is NOT me at all, I will isolate and seclude myself and keep my walls up. But i’ve been trying so damn hard which is why I don’t understand why I see all these groups forming around me, yet I don’t belong anywhere..
I am friends with individuals, I’ve met a ton of individuals, yet I don’t fit in to any of the groups. And in order for me to be happy here, I NEED what I had back home. I need a group of friends where we get together when we are free and do nothing but sit in a basement and talk about life, I need some girls I can call and say come to my place, I have wine. And I am terrified that I’m not going to find that here. Because it doesn’t seem like I will.
I’m not one of those girls that you see walk into a room and thing, “shit, I want to be her friend”. I’m not particularly hot, I have a very average, if not below average body, and I am shy, and sometimes hard to get to know. So these girls in my PT class who have all the guys fawning over them already, and will invite everybody over to pre-drink, (except me it feels like), I don’t know how to be friends with them. Because they don’t see me. They don’t even know I exist.
I have had to add every single person in my class on facebook whom I have met. Not one person has met me and decided to add me on facebook. Not one. And I don’t know if it’s me, and people simply don’t like me, or if i’m doing something wrong, or not doing something all together that I should be.
It’s so tough to be away from my support system. Because i’m out here alone and I have nobody to call if i’m having a rough day and just have them come over. Everybody is 3 hours away and busy with their own lives.
Today was a rough day. I hope tomorrow is better.